I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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