barbara walters just said penis...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
