Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
