I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
