Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
