Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
