I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
