A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
