I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
