girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
