I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
