OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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