I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
