My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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