UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
