I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone came in the potted fern
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
