hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
