What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
