I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
