My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
