sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
