census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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