Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
