i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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