so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
