ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
