meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
