On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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