so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
