we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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