I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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