I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I will pee on everything he values.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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