careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
