Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
