Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
as a side note pls kill me
You ruined the universe
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
