We named our party play list daddy issues
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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