did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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