I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
