I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
