I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
