Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
