Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
