im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
