Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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