First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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