You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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