yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
