Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
