Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
