tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
