The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will be naked everywhere
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
