I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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